Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Don't Apologize For Who You Are

 From the earliest memories I can recall in my childhood I always felt a bit "offbeat" or "quirky" compared to other people, whether it be other children or adults.  And as I got older I knew in the deepest part of my soul that I liked that quirky girl.  I liked that part of myself that would quip an occasional crowd winning joke (and the many jokes that were complete misses).  I adored that girl who instinctively responded to animals and was more comfortable alone than with others.  I got a kick out of this person who had always been spiritual, who'd always been inexplicably fascinated with storms, who had preferred nighttime over daytime and winter over summer.  From the beginning I loved her.  If I could have I would have "hugged her and pet her and squeezed her and called her George."

The thing is... most of my adult life has not been a reflection of that instinctual love I once had for myself.

From the time I can remember forming a sentence on paper I have loved to write.  Like most little writers as a child I loved writing stories - both in and out of school.  In the first grade my class was instructed to write a fictional short story on why someone might be thankful on Thanksgiving.  Much like Ralph on A Christmas Story I was excited to get to work and I wrote a story that came to me that I felt really good about.            A +++++   However, the teacher didn't quite share my optimism about the piece.  She announced to the whole class that my paper had read "like it was written by someone smoking pot".  Of course I didn't know exactly what pot was, but I knew it was an illegal drug associated with negative stigma at the very least.  The thunder of the laughter of the whole class followed and the teacher's message was quite clear.  Maybe I had thought I'd written something interesting and engaging, but the world wouldn't agree, so I should just keep my creations to myself.  You'll shoot your eye out, kid.  And so I kept that one light inside (my love for writing) buried deep within.  I still always wrote, but only ever shared anything with a very small handful of friends or my sister.

As I grew older and time marched on into middle school, high school and beyond various life experiences drove that message even deeper.  The "real" you is just too "out there".  Keep that part well hidden, only show the "normal" parts that everyone might be comfortable with.  And then, gradually further down the spiral that message morphed into something bigger and uglier.  The "real" you, or any other part of you, isn't worth knowing or loving.  She isn't worth anything.

Does any of this sound familiar?  After years of believing this about myself (and making life altering decisions based on that belief) I've come to realize something.  It's a load of "hokum" (as Big Bang Theory's character, Sheldon, would say).  It's simply not true.

Many years after the first grade incident I realized that what the teacher back then had meant as a humiliating insult could actually be taken as a compliment.  What do most people do when they are stoned (besides eat)?  They sit around and get philosophical and introspective!  So in a really weird way she was saying I was thinking much too deeply for a first grader.  OK, I'll take it!

My friends, not only is the "real you" worth knowing... being and embracing the "real you" is worth EVERYTHING.  Feel that now and BELIEVE that now.  That belief will seriously affect every decision in your life.  It will affect the way you relate to your dog, your best friend, spouse, partner, cat, co-worker or anyone else connected to you.  Don't apologize for who you are.  Believe the real you is worth knowing and loving.  Because, chances are, from your earliest memories of life you already knew this to be true anyway.

Namaste and Big Squeezes,

Deanna L. Moore

Thursday, January 3, 2013

An Upward Spiral

If you have stumbled here I thank you.  This little blog home of mine is a burst of inspiration that is still in its teeny tiny baby conception stages.  I'm a Mother Goddess with three physical children but this particular project of mine has been screaming to get out so emphatically that lately it feels kind of like a fourth spiritual child.

The eclectic mixing of spiritual paths - Wiccan, Pagan, New Age, Goddess, and bits of my traditional Christian roots - has been a passion of mine for 15 years now.  But learning and embracing the love of myself, my own spirit, mind, body, and soul... well, that's been a relatively new experience that I have found was a much needed change within my own life.  In the past year or so I began stumbling onto various spiritual blogs totally dedicated to changing the what-seems-to-come-natural negative thought process into loving positivity and embracing the Divine within .  Inspirational blogs such as these: The Goddess Guidebook, Blessing Manifesting, and Moonlight Muse are a few great examples and there are many other places of beauty like these out there.  To me these places were treasure troves of an infinite amount of wisdom that I could (and do) get lost in for hours.  I loved that these bloggers were everyday women living normal lives but had found their true selves being neglected.  Through intense self discovery they had found ways to honor their divine essences.  I wanted to be a part of that too!

As the idea for this site was beginning as something like a zygote deep within, mental images of spirals began to come (constantly) to me.  Then they started appearing everywhere in my mundane (everyday) life: in nature, in jewelry and even in music.  One of my favorite albums (yes, I said albums... I just dated myself!) of all time is Nine Inch Nails' The Downward Spiral.  I began thinking to myself that my inner world needed a revolution... something like an upward spiral.

Also one of my very favorite bands (of my old school college age days) is a very underground and largely unknown band called Love Spirals Downwards.  They are so unknown that most of their lyrics cannot even be found in a Google search.  The singer has a very heavenly voice but the lyrics weren't easy to decipher (and some of them are intentional nonsense-ical words and there might even be some Latin thrown in there).  Therefore I used to play their music and make up my own prayers, meditations, and chants to sing along.  And one day as I meditated in this way a thought occurred to me: "Love has to spiral in a continuous loop inwards in order to spiral outward or upward," and... DING!  It was a light bulb above the head moment!  I had conception of an idea, a place that I hope will help me (and maybe even help others) learn to love their Divine selves.

Love - a profoundly tender, passionate affection
Spirals - to advance or increase steadily; rise
Inward - in the mind or soul; mentally or spiritually

I was looking for an appropriate sample of Love Spirals Downwards music and found this fan video someone made, and spirals just happened to appear in it too!  It's meant to be... <3

Namaste and Much Love,

Deanna L. Moore