Tuesday, March 19, 2013

In The Eyes of the Beholder

("Be your own kind of Beautiful" - Lovely bathroom mirror decor to greet me every morning.)

Yesterday was a total goof off day (in between me working a double shift at work!) where I got wonderfully distracted by an app called Bitstrips.  Basically you create an avatar of yourself and she/he stars in a bunch of silly comics.  Several witchy Facebook friends were playing with it and I saw that some were "plus sized" characters and that immediately piqued my curiosity. As I made my character I found the closest body type to mine was "average" and so I chose that.  She came out as a mostly proportionally correct person with a poochy tummy that doesn't much match the rest of her (kind of like myself in real life).  I thought she was absolutely adorable!  As I was casting this character in different scenarios and having hearty chuckles I couldn't get over how I thought she was the cutest character EVER and that she was beautiful.  And then I had something of an epiphany and stopped cold.

I was saying this about "photos" of MYSELF.  Yeah, she was a cartoon character, but it was still ME, "frumpy" figure and all.  In reality I avoid the camera as much as possible.  I NEVER look at "in real life" photos and use any positive words like "adorable" or "pretty".  I'm terrified of being tagged in Facebook photos.  And yet I could look at a character that looked exactly like me and find beauty immediately.  For the first time in a long time I was seeing myself with different eyes.  A much better less judgmental pair of eyes.  I have actually come a long way in the area of accepting myself and self-love.  (No, silly rabbit, not THAT kind of self love)!   Once upon a time I was so infuriated by my body that I actually used to fantasize about cutting bits of flesh off.  After I had my first child I gained some weight and worked with a bunch of cruel co-workers (all women) who harassed me about it and I let their words define me.  Men would (and still often do) tell me I was beautiful but their words were empty to me.  I let the cruel words of the female co-workers win out for YEARS afterward.  I seriously considered plastic surgery ("mommy makeover/tummy tuck") for a long time.  Thankfully I have since then arrived at a much more peaceful place with my post-motherhood body and yet I still have a ways to go.  But surprisingly this chick below just helped me a lot:

What helps you look at yourself from a place of love?
Happy Self-Love,

Deanna L. Moore

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Where I've Been

In February three very unexpected events blew in like a blizzard wind into my life.  The first one is that a local charity informed us that they were going to do a real-life version of an extreme home make-over on our home over a weekend and send our family on an all-expense paid vacation to a tourist attraction here in the DFW area called "The Great Wolf Lodge" while they did it.  Then the very next day we received unexpected news that my father in law had suddenly passed away.  And while all of this was going on I was given a semi-promotion at work that totally changed my schedule (for the better).  This is pretty much why my online time has been almost non-existent lately (except for brief periods I can log in to check things on my phone).

The moment my husband arrived back in town from his father's funeral the home make-over began, and I never dreamed that this one event could help me so much with embracing my year's word, "forward".  The change out of carpets, furniture, and energy in our home has really opened my eyes about the "home" I was living in, both literally and emotionally inwardly.  While I've been sorting this out I feel my heart becoming full of things to share again, but have been just trying to figure out where to start and incorporate blogging into a schedule that works.

So I'm hoping to be back asap.  In the meantime, here are some home make-over photos.

Deanna L. Moore