Tuesday, March 19, 2013

In The Eyes of the Beholder

("Be your own kind of Beautiful" - Lovely bathroom mirror decor to greet me every morning.)

Yesterday was a total goof off day (in between me working a double shift at work!) where I got wonderfully distracted by an app called Bitstrips.  Basically you create an avatar of yourself and she/he stars in a bunch of silly comics.  Several witchy Facebook friends were playing with it and I saw that some were "plus sized" characters and that immediately piqued my curiosity. As I made my character I found the closest body type to mine was "average" and so I chose that.  She came out as a mostly proportionally correct person with a poochy tummy that doesn't much match the rest of her (kind of like myself in real life).  I thought she was absolutely adorable!  As I was casting this character in different scenarios and having hearty chuckles I couldn't get over how I thought she was the cutest character EVER and that she was beautiful.  And then I had something of an epiphany and stopped cold.

I was saying this about "photos" of MYSELF.  Yeah, she was a cartoon character, but it was still ME, "frumpy" figure and all.  In reality I avoid the camera as much as possible.  I NEVER look at "in real life" photos and use any positive words like "adorable" or "pretty".  I'm terrified of being tagged in Facebook photos.  And yet I could look at a character that looked exactly like me and find beauty immediately.  For the first time in a long time I was seeing myself with different eyes.  A much better less judgmental pair of eyes.  I have actually come a long way in the area of accepting myself and self-love.  (No, silly rabbit, not THAT kind of self love)!   Once upon a time I was so infuriated by my body that I actually used to fantasize about cutting bits of flesh off.  After I had my first child I gained some weight and worked with a bunch of cruel co-workers (all women) who harassed me about it and I let their words define me.  Men would (and still often do) tell me I was beautiful but their words were empty to me.  I let the cruel words of the female co-workers win out for YEARS afterward.  I seriously considered plastic surgery ("mommy makeover/tummy tuck") for a long time.  Thankfully I have since then arrived at a much more peaceful place with my post-motherhood body and yet I still have a ways to go.  But surprisingly this chick below just helped me a lot:

What helps you look at yourself from a place of love?
Happy Self-Love,

Deanna L. Moore

1 comment:

  1. Wow, that's a great epiphany to have had! I love your mirror and its daily affirmation! It breaks my heart that women are taught to be so full of self-loathing about their looks. Every woman who breaks free of that represents VICTORY!